There’s the type of boredom when you’re a bit jaded with
life and are in a rut, then there’s the boredom of waiting in for a delivery
which you were told could arrive anytime between 8am and 5pm (and it’s now
4.30pm), and there there’s the utterly mind-numbing, hair-tearing boredom of
being a poll clerk at the first ever Police and Crime Commissioner elections.
Now, as a poll clerk in political elections I’ve experienced
tedium before. By 9am you’ve learnt the life histories of everyone else in the
room, told every knock-knock joke you’ve ever heard and have now started to
repeat yourself, however, at least with political elections there’s a chance
that the general public will pop in every now and again vote for their
favourite local politician, but this was boredom on an entirely new level.
The current Government, in all its misplaced wisdom, had decided
that the general public ought to be allowed to choose who should oversee local
police forces, without spotting the bleedin’ obvious in that nobody actually gives
a monkey’s who’s in charge of policing matters as long as they can see more
bobbies on the beat, get more criminals behind bars and can get an officer to
attend when they need one!
To be brutally honest, even though the local council were
paying me to work as a poll clerk that day, and had given me the obligatory 30
minute powerpoint presentation as ‘training’, I really was none the wiser as to
the duties of the PCC and I didn’t even care enough to google it. Yes, I know I
ought to care and it’s important that I have a democratic right to be able to
vote for the person I deem to be the best for the task, and if I lived in other
countries I’d be only too glad to be given a vote, blah, blah, blah…. but, with
4 of the local candidates being members of political parties, wouldn’t it just
be a re-run of the local elections in May, with people simply selecting their
political favourites, regardless of whether or not the individual knows
anything about being a PCC? Who knows…
The general public were reluctant to come out to polling
stations in early May, when it was spring, so I couldn’t see how the government
expected to get anyone motivated enough to bother coming out of their homes in
mid-November when it was always likely to be seriously cold and potentially
wet. I must admit, I was having second thoughts myself during the training when
we were told to wrap up warm and plan ahead in the case of severe flooding or
snowfall!
After getting up at a ridiculously early 5.30am on the day, and
slurping a cup of PG Tips (no stomach for breakfast at that hour), I made my
way in the dark, cold, fog to the local Community Centre to begin my extremely
long shift.
The Centre should have been opened by the caretaker before
6.30am so that we could begin setting up, however, two grumpy presiding
officers and four p*ssed off poll clerks were left outside in the dark for the
next 20 minutes until he finally arrived with a set of keys! Not the best start
to the day, which only went downhill after that.
The reason that every local council now has to fork out to
employ twice the necessary amount of clerks and officers at polling stations
these days is apparently something to do with
the fact that during the last general election, a few people had to
queue outside their polling stations and ended up missing out on their chance
to vote because they failed to enter their polling station before 10pm (even
though they’d had from 7am on the same day to do so or they could easily have
applied for a postal vote beforehand to save themselves the bother of having to
turn up, or if they’d known it’d be difficult for them to get there on the day
they could’ve asked for a proxy vote).
We did get our first voter in at 7am on the dot, but it was another 40 minutes before the
second one arrived. This set the tone for the rest of the day in which our
table saw just 42 voters while the other table scored slightly higher with 64,
a task which just one clerk and one officer could’ve handled with ease. It’s a
good job we’d brought books, magazines and other distractions with us because
we had ridiculously long periods of time in which we didn’t see a single soul. In
fact in the final two hours not one person bothered to turn up, and the fact
that there were no tellers on the doors and a conspicuous absence of anyone
with a vaguely ‘vested interest’ simply added to the evidence of the
pointlessness of the whole exercise.
Predictably, many of those who came in were clueless as to
what it was about and who to vote for due to the complete absence of any flyers
being posted through anyone’s doors beforehand and the lack of any real
information generally available (especially to those without internet access or
anyone who didn’t happen to purchase a local newspaper in the preceding few
days), but all we were allowed do was explain about the actual voting process
and that they should simply put a cross in the first column for their first
choice and another cross in the second column if they wanted to select a second
choice, and even this seemed to stump a few of them.
Inside our polling station at least there’s a cafĂ© so that
there’s a remote chance of members of the public who regularly come in for a
coffee after the school run, or pop by for a hot bacon sarnie, walking through
to the back hall in order to vote; I can’t imagine how hideous it must’ve been
for those poor clerks and officers stuck in mud huts on village greens in the
middle of nowhere.
Fortunately, we’d started to pack most of the gear up by 9.30pm so by 10pm
it was simply a matter of taking down the final voting booth, removing the
posters from the walls and helping the presiding officer with the last of the
form-filling so thankfully we were out of the building by 10.10pm . On my walk home, in the cold, dark damp of a
typical November night, I wondered how long it’d take for those counting the
votes to complete their task. My guess would be that they’d be safely tucked up
in their beds by midnight …